Wicked Psychotherapists

From Surviving Middle School to Grown Ups: Friendship, Nostalgia & Adam Sandler

• Erin Gray and Tanya Dos Santos • Season 3 • Episode 28

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In this episode of Wicked Psychotherapists, we dive into Adam Sandler’s Grown Ups and dig into the psychology behind nostalgia, childhood friendships, and the lifelong patterns we carry into adulthood. 

From the Gen X childhoods we remember to the pressures of parenting in a digital age, we explore how early bonds shape us—and how even a silly waterpark scene can unpack themes of identity, growth, vulnerability, and healing generational wounds.

Plus: reflections on middle school trauma, how we perform success in adulthood, and the art of repairing friendships (even if it’s been 30 years).

This one’s heartfelt, insightful, and full of laughs—classic Wicked style.

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You are listening to Wicked Psychotherapists, a podcast where two psychotherapists show you that taking care of and learning about mental health doesn't have to be wicked hat.

Tanya:

Hey guys, it's Tanya. Hey,

Erin:

it's Erin and welcome to Wicked Psychotherapist.

Tanya:

So yeah, we've been off for a couple of weeks. Erin, maybe you want to kind of, just, you know, let, let everybody know listening. what was going on. Erin's decided to share a very. private moment, to let people know what's been going on. So, Erin, do you wanna?

Erin:

Sure, yeah, I figure I figured I probably should share because we post the videos and people would probably notice I have a scar on my neck. I had to have my thyroid removed. I found out that I had thyroid cancer, Because of my past history of breast cancer, thankfully my doctors scan me for everything all the time. so thankfully it's been a good recovery but I wasn't sure how I would be able to talk and stuff, so I told Tanya, let's take a couple weeks off in case I don't have a voice or it hurts to sit up, I'm glad I did take the time off because. I wasn't able to sit up or do anything for the first week. It was kind of like my neck was tired after a couple, you know, like a little bit. But I am good. Started seeing clients last week after I got clearance and yeah, I'm back. Glad to be back and glad to be. Doing this today with you?

Tanya:

Yeah. we're all glad to see you healthy and well, and, happy that, you had a good recovery and that we can continue this. But yeah, definitely happy that it's, it's a, it was a good outcome. So, and we, know people are wishing you well on the continued, recovery and everything. we needed, some time off so Erin could recuperate. and glad that she did. Um. So, yeah. So, and, and we thought it would be nice to come back and start with another Adam Sandler movie. a few weeks back, we said, don't worry, we're bread crumbing you there. And were back with another Adam Sandler movie, grownups mm-hmm. Which is right now on Netflix. And is actually the first day and the second one. that's probably a hint for the future for us, but we're just talking about the first grownups today. so we thought this would be an interesting one because, Adam Sandler, but also there's a lot of other comedians and comedic forces in there. a lot of big names. we got David Spade, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, Kevin James, and Salma Hayek, Yeah. she's playing, Lenny's Wife, which is Adam Sandler's character, and, Maya Rudolph mm-hmm. Is, is in there. SL Chris Walk, Rock's Wife. I think his name is Kurt in the movie. we just thought this would be a really cool, way to reintroduce Adam. So you'll probably be hearing some more Adam stuff going on as promised. hopefully

Erin:

they,

Tanya:

Yeah. Let us know if you want us to story away, but I mean, that's where we're headed. we enjoy that. it seems to let us

Erin:

bounce off of different things. I mean like,'cause that's, and that's kind of how our mind works. You'll see like, we will be like, okay, well we like this person. Then we'll start doing something else. And the nice thing about Adam Sandler is his whole cast. It's like, oh, let's do some David Spade, or let's do some Steve Bi shimmy. You know, like, let's try to figure out different things. So it's. But then it kind of goes back, goes back to him anyway.

Tanya:

Always goes back to Adam. he's the center in our love for this all. But yeah, no, definitely an air sign way. We're both air signs. you're Gemini. I'm an Aquarius. And that's definitely an air sign thing. That's what we do. We kind of bounce around, but there's a method to our madness, I guess. Hopefully you guys get it.

Erin:

If you're listening, you'll hopefully like it,

Tanya:

it doesn't, but it does to us. hopefully to you, In some way it makes sense. Okay. so grownups, Admittedly, this is not one of my favorite Adam Sandler movies. I was telling you. it's not something that I'm like, oh yeah, I love this. But I do think there are some interesting points to it with the friendship of the five main characters the five comedians we referred to, they all basically have this, tie. Like growing up together, it looks like they were all on the same basketball team and won this great championship when they were 12 years old. that's the first opening scene. their coach is really important in their lives. taught them the value of, you play until the buzzer of life, strikes you, and was a great mentor, stuck in their minds. Was was just like one of those moments I think where they had that childhood friendship, that childhood mentor, and it stuck with them to the point where they're at modern day in the movie when they are all grown up. You see what they became and they all learn about the death of the coach. Yeah. coach Buzzer, was it?

Erin:

They called him buzzer

Tanya:

because he, we'll just call him coach buzzer, I guess.

Erin:

Alright, that works.

Tanya:

No, that sounds right. at the crux of it, there's this. Childhood moment, where you see, these friends that all care about each other, they're all teammates. They all have a good rapport. They rib each other in that way. But there's love behind that. when they meet up again for the coach's funeral. we see the different characters they've become David Spade, Chris Rock, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, and Adam Sandler. Mm-hmm. but yeah, I think Lenny is, who's, Adam Sandler is kind of the main person. He, he's done like wildly successful as an agent to the stars He's really well off and. You see that his kids are, are kind of, have really in an opposite type of childhood than, than what he had. he's disappointed by that. Mm-hmm. He's not super happy about that. Like his kids have like a built-in nanny slash maid who they're like, ah, you didn't get me like a diva chocolate. And they don't go out and play like, he and his friends probably did. Eighties, like the Gen X childhood versus now, whatever Gen Z kind of thing, they're playing video games. They're inside. They're used to getting what they need. They travel a lot. nothing is wanted for. I'm not saying Gen Zs are like that, I'm just saying this is His family, his kids. Lenny's kids. And then you start to meet the other characters as well. it seems like Lenny is a little bit around these friends he hasn't seen in 30 years. he's trying to hide how privileged he is and how his kids are because he is a little embarrassed, that he knows. He's gotten far away from a life that they all had as kids, and the fun they had, Kevin James plays, Eric, and he's married to Maria Bellow, who, I don't know how, why I know her name, but she's been in some other things. And, he is got two kids. you know, he is kind of, he, he, he says he owns a lawn and furniture company. He's like playing off that. He is all successful. He pulls up in this, caddy, Really we learned later. He was just trying to put up a show. He got laid off a few months before David Spade's, character Higgins, he's like the Forever Bachelor, He's not with anyone. Chris Rock plays Kurt, who's married and has, a couple kids on the way he's kind of the stay at home husband. Rob Schneider, just plays Rob. He

Erin:

doesn't have another name. We thought that was funny. It's like, okay. Rob. Rob, you're Rob.

Tanya:

you can't be anything but Rob. but he has this, apparently it's like his fourth marriage or his fourth, I don't know if they're married or not, but this woman who's like, 30 years his senior. he's very emotional very in touch with his feelings and very sensitive and mm-hmm. Just kind of doesn't seem to fit in with the whole, like, ribbing of what they all have. once they come together, they all just start immediately ragging on each other And yeah, there's like that whole dynamic that they have comfort. The

Erin:

comfort even though they, because it sounds like, you know,'cause this game happened, like the big basketball game happened, when they were in seventh grade, I assume they were friends all through middle and high school, but it just sounds like they are stuck in this, Hey, haven't seen you in 40 years. I don't know if they all moved away right after that, or if it's, you know, who knows?

Tanya:

I do have to say I feel like I have felt this way before somewhat, because I do remember in elementary school. I think we were all just, I don't know what it was. It was a smaller school and I feel like we all kind of just had this experience together of being in that school. We all knew each other at that time. Mm-hmm. And I kind of feel like that's something that does stay with you. But it's not maybe something I feel like I could meet up and be like, oh my God. And start up again now. I don't know that I could. I

Erin:

know With Facebook and stuff, I've had a lot of people that I'm friends with from middle school, some went to different high schools and I'm still connected with, one or two people. But then you do like some of the people like you're in middle school then you went to high school with, it's a weird thing because middle school it's so unique. It's like three years of torture. But you do have this weird bond with people that, okay, we survived middle school together, we have this unique experience

Tanya:

I think you're really being tested as to who you are. your identity is kind of being formed. I know it gets like really, you know, kind of even more so in high school. But I think that's kind of the, the, the seed is planted, in middle school. it sticks with you, it sounds like in this movie, and obviously we realize it's just a movie. Right. But I mean, maybe some people do have friendships like this, but it sounds like they would've been more in touch and maybe they were and we just didn't know it. But that's not the impression.

Erin:

it almost sounds like We had fun in our basketball seasons and then in the summer. And then it just kind of like, you know, did they all just move away or, you know, what happened? because even how you know, I'm skipping ahead, but when the Colin Quinn character, in the restaurant sees Lenny and he is like, oh, you gained some weight. And he is like, yeah, since I was 12, I hope I have. that's when I was thinking maybe they haven't seen each other since they were 12. Were they? I don't know.

Tanya:

maybe these are just things for funny moments. and they just kind of were like, eh, we're not gonna think about that. But yeah. Don't we hope

Erin:

two people aren't gonna analyze this movie to death and. Talk about it. Yes.

Tanya:

And of course here we are. I mean, you know, it still stands up, for whatever reason they kind of just had this moment in time, this bond at that point, this coach. And so they're all coming together. Lenny who's the, you know, Adam Sandor's character rents out this lake house that I guess they used to, oh, well you know what? It does say that they used to go up there and get wasted. So I. That's what, David Spade's character Higgins says at one point. So I guess maybe they did hang out in high school. maybe they were kind of okay. it just didn't really show that many moments. Okay. But maybe that's just kind of a. A thing that they didn't really, it, it, maybe that would've been better if they had showed that a couple, a couple of scenes from that or something. I don't know why we're analytics

Erin:

movie like this, but we need the timeline. It bothers us.

Tanya:

So just like, we like the psychosocials and people like, you know, gathering things and the details. It's like, no, we need to know that this happened or whatever. Yeah, so it's kind of like, you know, Lenny rents out this really nice lake house for the weekend for everyone. and his wife's, Sama Hayek is, you know, a big high-end fashion designer. And she's like, oh, we have to leave for my fashion show in Milan tomorrow. And he's like, oh yeah. okay. Yeah. I'll have to tell the boys, but you can tell he is like, oh, I kind of wanted to stay here. and they just start to kind of come together and they start to, their antics are, are kind of like bringing them back to the side they miss instead of just being adults, like in the beginning, Lenny is talking to someone and is like, I'll make sure Brad Pitt isn't in your movie and he's just gotta deal with all this like, stressors. His kids are kind of. Removed from having that, idyllic childhood. Instead, they're ordering their mate around and saying they want Vos water and Fiji Walker

Erin:

stuff. You know, can

Tanya:

I have

Erin:

tap?

Tanya:

Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, what? From the host? he's never heard of that.

Erin:

who do you think I am?

Tanya:

it's just kind of, I think it's about a return to that nostalgia that Lenny is really excited by. he's like, oh, why don't you guys go outside and play he's excited when, when he sees him, like one of his son with like a rock and he is like, come on, just skip it, throw it, chuck it at your brother. See you

Erin:

picking it up or just anything playful. Do something.

Tanya:

Yeah. And then in the meantime, the guys are kind of, playing some, they kind of rib each other. there's these, hijinks they rag on Rob Schneider with his grandma girlfriend. And how he just seems to be an oddball. And very sensitive, but they still love him. They still include him for that. he ends up having two Quote unquote hot daughters. And then one that's like, not like, kind of looks more like'em. They're like, oh yeah, that one makes sense. and I guess just kind of seeing, you know, it's kind of disheartening to Lenny to see the kids even Kurt's kids and Eric's kids'cause they also have kids. just kind of like they're all inside. They're not really engaging in imaginative play or outdoorsiness. He's just really into, you know, it goes back to that time that he really feels like, wow, when we were all together, that was the best stuff ever. even though he's like, got all this money and he's, you know, probably successful and knows all these fa you know, famous people and has houses and cars he wants that. Yeah. That's the thing that really is important he's seeing, which is, Which is really telling, I think, you know, kind of saying like, well, it's not, maybe it's not, the best thing. You know, maybe this is not something that, you know, as a kid you kind of think, oh, I wanna be rich. I want to, you know, do this. Mm-hmm. But really the stuff you're doing with your friends, the bonds that you're creating, the memories you're creating, that's, that's really the stuff that, you know, kind of makes up life. I think that's the kind of central theme in this. as well as just comedy and, and them making fun of each other and stuff. Yeah. It's,

Erin:

like the friendships that the main guys have. And then throughout the movie you're watching the kids start to have friendships too, at first it's just a bunch of kids who are a little awkward or strange you see them start having friendships. I was thinking of the Kevin James character's daughter, she's so angry at first because, she's probably getting ignored but you see throughout the progression, she starts becoming really good friends with Lenny's son. You see them holding hands at one point. And they all are developing little friendships.

Tanya:

It's just nice because it seems like that's what's really missing, from Lenny's point of view they're just playing video games. they get whatever they want, Which is. Kind of their fault as well because they didn't have to raise them like that. they could have said,

Erin:

there needs to be a limit. you can have video games, but it doesn't mean you sit on the couch or own the TV all day.

Tanya:

Or get a maid or a Nanny. Yeah.

Erin:

She's there to take care of you or to help you. That doesn't mean she's gonna make your. Hot cocoa with your Ava chocolate,

Tanya:

And you know, I think there was, there was some development and some of the, some of the characters too, even with Kurt and, Chris Rock and, Maya Rudolph. it kind of seems like Maya thinks at one point that, Chris or Kurt, you know, well, Chris Rock is kind of hanging out with the nanny because he learned how to speak Chinese, from the cooking channel. And she was a little, jealous He's like, you know, tells her Hey, you're the person I wanna be with and, I just wanna be with my hot wife or whatever. they reconnect and there's been some distance between them, in that regard. plus, with him being a stay at home dad, it seems like he gets knocked down a peg a few times. there's kind of a little bit of reconciliation in that, I guess. Um, they appreciate each other maybe. it's not fully developed, but like it's there. Yeah. Sort of. Well, yeah, there's

Erin:

probably always the ha it seems like there's always like a hazing between, you know, like the mom and, Kurt's wife, Deanna they're always hazing him for being a stay-at-home dad and cooking badly or planning, okay, we know this meal is gonna stink, so I already bought the pizza. You know, not really realizing like, Hey, maybe he was spending all day trying to figure out how to make pumpkin, risotto or whatever. so hearing that all the time, it probably does make it difficult.'cause even how he said he is like, well, I'm talking to her because I can actually have a conversation. I'm not just being put down all the time.

Tanya:

Right. she'll actually kind of respect me and listen to me, and you definitely kind of see some of that. even with Rob Schneider's, girlfriends I'm thinking of the car scene where she takes over and starts fixing the car they turn around. even with her, she's like, I think there's a lot of love here. she kind of points out all that she sees as a third party not having grown up with them and being on the outside of this. she is able to point out some things about Rob that she finds annoying and he had pointed out some things about her. they were able to put some things out there, about each other.

Erin:

he made it seem like, oh yeah, we talked and we forgave each other And she's like, yeah, but that doesn't mean. I don't think you're this or that, Then once she said it, everyone was shocked'cause she seemed so sweet and older but they're like, oh, she gets it. She actually understands.

Tanya:

she's not missing that. she's definitely picking that up. And so she maybe is more present in this and maybe they are a good fit for each other. And even David Spade's character when Rob thinks, he slept with his daughter, the older one, he's like, you're my friend, man. I wouldn't do that. And kind of saying I even have standards, I think that was probably a moment to be like, okay, he can be respected for that, even though he's this inveterate bachelor womanizer he wouldn't do that. So maybe we redeemed him a bit and then with Kevin James, him saying like, I actually, got laid off and then Lenny offers him this business deal. it's this come to honesty about themselves.

Erin:

Yeah. It's like, well, and then also it gives, Lenny, Eric and Kurt, the opportunity to work together and to, Hey, we're all gonna do this together. You know, figure out how to do this, whatever it was, like car rental business or whatever they were doing.

Tanya:

And it kind of, brings them together. I think it was kind of just showing like, Hey, you know, I think there's probably a natural maybe feeling of after you get together with friends after, I don't know, 30 or 40 years or whatever it was with them, that maybe there could be a little bit of. Competitiveness a little bit of like, oh, maybe I can't show them this. I have to show them just the best of this. Almost like if you go to a reunion, maybe you kind of have that feeling of, probably a lot of people do. to be like, I wanna, feel really successful And feel like, I made something of myself or really show off these points that are really important. and social media too. Let's face it. it's kind of like they all saw each other's. vulnerabilities. even though they rub each other, it's done in love and they care about each other. And so I think it really does show from what the. Grandmother, girlfriend, I can't remember her name. what she said, I really see the love there. I think that's what she was pointing to. Like, you all actually really care about each other, even though There's naturally gonna be some competition or some feelings of like, I have to put up a front or, you know, be more successful than I actually am. I think that was a nice. Kind of feeling of like, okay, they actually really do have a pretty good bond. again, I think that maybe some people can maintain that and maybe that could be the case. I don't particularly relate to that. I do have some friends that are long time friends. It's not a group of people. I think that might be rare, at least from my point of view. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong about that.

Erin:

it probably is rare, especially if you've all moved away thinking back to a group of friends, in middle school and high school, we had a group, but then kind of, it's hard to keep that whole group'cause everyone moves away and it's not like everybody's going back. To your town at the same time either. So you're not really gonna have that opportunity to all see each other I know myself over the past 30 or you know, whatever years it's been since high school, it's hard to have this connection with everybody. You know, I might have like one or two I see. Or talk to, so it's, probably difficult and maybe it is realistic for some, but it's hard.

Tanya:

I think it would be, and I don't know, maybe that basketball game and just, who they are as people really bonded them and kept them close they just really had a love for each other, the friendship, everything like that, that just kind of kept them together Maybe the dynamics that all kind of just work together. But, yeah, it seems like they really were friends that wanted to stay friends. they, know each other's families. know each other's kids and like you said, their kids were starting to become friends they were all able to confront things that were not so easy in their lives to. talk about So that's, I find to be really difficult with anyone. Nevermind friends from 30 years ago.

Erin:

Yeah. Because they were all hiding themselves too. even like Lenny was trying to pretend like he didn't have that much money Eric is trying to pretend like he had more money than he had. we don't really wanna show our true selves. But then all the layers start coming off as you're stuck together and you're living under the same roof for a few days. you do start showing who we really are. once they did, it's like, okay, how can we do this together? How can we work together and, help each other out?

Tanya:

I think that's like a case of friendship that can carry over and have. Pause for decades and come back together. And some people are just so different at that point, or maybe just have moved on or changed so much that it wouldn't work. And then sometimes it just does. I don't know. It looks like it just did in this instance. And then it was interesting because they. still engage in some of those, childhood hijinks where they're at the waterpark and they're like, oh, you gotta go. We gotta be, you know, so and so, I can't think of his name. the one that challenged him.

Erin:

Colin? Colin Quinn. Dickie was his name.

Tanya:

Dickie? Yeah. Like he's, he's so bitter. he was on the team that lost in seventh grade and he still hangs onto it it's really defined a lot in his mind because he probably stayed in the same town. he wants to challenge him in every single way, even when they're going on this zip line water slide kind of thing in the waterpark. And he is like, oh, well my son's gonna go do this. And then. Son is like, all right, now I gotta, you know, I'm gonna do this backwards. And they're kind of competing against each other.

Erin:

He's like, I'm gonna do it. we're gonna do it, with our feet. Steve pushed out, he just

Tanya:

sticks to it. he's like, I don't really wanna do this. or he's like, how come you kids are? He's like, I got kids. So he goes, and then he just crashes into the, the hot thing or whatever, and then is like in a full body cast and like, yeah. And so it's this competition that culminates in the end where they're all at, the picnic. Around the lake apparently a lot of townspeople or something. And Dickie and, and his crew, which is Wiley, which is Steve Buscemi in this full, full body cast at that point. And his, like other, I don't know, friends or whatever, that they're like challenging him to a basketball game. Lenny keeps trying to be like, seriously, let's just enjoy your time. he's kind of over it, you know? He is just like, this is ridiculous.

Erin:

Like, I'm hanging out with my family. Yeah. Don't really wanna have to relive seventh grade. Yeah.

Tanya:

Yeah. And like we're, you know, 30 years older, so it's real different and stuff, but, yeah, and I guess they kind of learned like, oh, we're both exhausted. We really can't do this. And so they send in the next generation Lenny ends up losing intentionally because he realizes how much it means to Dickie to have that win and that he is kind of been maybe carrying this loser chip on his shoulder. Mm-hmm. You know, his whole life. Because

Erin:

while the game is playing, he starts watching how the wife is treating him and how, you know, like how everybody kind of treats him because he's. You know, probably'cause he's so angry and also has this loser mentality And I think Lenny is probably like, okay, what would happen if I, don't win? And with this change dicky's perception of life and how people treat him. It's like you see him start smiling, you see his wife cuddling to him. You see like everyone's kind of a little happier too.

Tanya:

He can finally let that go, that feeling, that narrative that he lost and he's a loser. And also he said maybe it's good that we lost because it's a little bit of humility. We don't always have to win. and with all the things that, he and his kids have that's okay.

Erin:

his kids have this entitlement and it probably is nice Show them most of their childhood. Hey, it is okay you don't have to win everything. You're not gonna get everything. try to teach them not to be so spoiled or self-centered.

Tanya:

And the son at the end is like, oh, it's okay. I just need to work harder. he picks up the lesson you can't win everything just because you want to, you gotta work hard, you gotta practice. And he just

Erin:

learned how to play basketball like two days before, Imagine the chip on his shoulder, like if he did win, it would've been like, oh, I'm the best.

Tanya:

he wouldn't think twice about needing to practice and would just, Think he could win, and if he didn't win, that would be super devastating to his ego. he'd just be carrying it around his whole life. Stay in the same small town. Yeah. So, yeah. And kind of just focusing on things that really don't, you know, make you bitter, but really don't need to. I think Lenny was like, that cycle needs to be broken for a lot of reasons But yeah, I think that's, that's the, maybe that's the, the hint in the movie grownups is that, you know, kind of being able to get past some of those things, but also being able to connect with, what it is that you need. that was really important in kids and being able to pass that on. so that's kind of a healthy, passing on of coping skills. It's like the opposite of. Intergenerational trauma. He's trying to heal it. he's working within it. it's a good example of that. he's trying to,

Erin:

and actually he's working on not only his unit, but he is trying to, you know, he's helping Dickie's family. the trauma for that too. Mm-hmm. and maybe even Dickie's friends, Wiley and all those other people too might be healed as well.

Tanya:

Yeah, yeah. And so it's very impressive. we don't often get movies where we're usually pointing out where there is some sort of trauma, but it seems like that's kind of a healing mm-hmm. Yeah. Or just kind of, patterns of, self-sabotage and understanding that and being able to grow from it, I guess. yeah. So it's, Like we said, grownups two is out. it's been, it's been out for a while. I think the first one's, been out since 2013. The first one was 2010. so these are older movies. That's why we're just talking about'em freely. Again, there's the spoilers. You know, our deal,

Erin:

if it's a new show, we will say, spoiler, spoiler spoilers. But that's one we're hoping that you realize it's been out Over 10 years.

Tanya:

Yeah, for sure.

Erin:

the reason why we often talk about Adam Sandler is because New England is represented. I'm sure it was supposed to be in Massachusetts somewhere, but he did give a shout out to Rhode Island. that stupid scene with the Rhode Island state troopers was, ridiculous. because they don't have anything else to do.

Tanya:

Yeah. I noticed. I really liked that he was wearing a UMass shirt. Mm-hmm. And I, I have a few family members have gone to Umas rri.

Erin:

I was thinking it was for Rhode Island.

Tanya:

Yeah. that's, pretty cool. So you had a lot of New England he brings in there. Mm-hmm. Which is great. Lot of representation. Yeah. so here is the challenge question or the, question that we have at the end. is there a moment in time that you would want to go back to, to kind of, you know, maybe relive or maybe Do differently in your childhood that, involved friendships like this? and I'm not saying you have to get too specific, just, you know, is there something that maybe like a fight with a friend or maybe a friendship repair? Like do you have, a moment that kind of sticks out in your mind?

Erin:

I would've probably figured out how to keep those friendships from middle school to high school a little better, because that's a hard mm-hmm. You, because I did stay with friends, but then, you know, we, a lot of time, like I had one or one, one or two friends went to different high schools, but then the ones that did, some of us found new friend groups, or we'd stay in that same friend group for a little bit, but then shift, and find our way back to each other. It wouldn't be as deep all the time because we would have like different friend groups. So maybe the people that I was like really close in middle school, even if we went into different groups, if it would've been a way to keep that friendship, not just surface level.

Tanya:

Hmm. That's a good, yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah.'cause that can be really tough to do, Looking back it's so tough at that time. I would have to say something similar. I think maybe just the way I handled not being friends with people or them breaking away from me, you know, those types of dynamics. And again, I know this is like middle school kind of, you know, high school type of stuff. But maybe just in, being able to stick up for myself better, but also being able to handle. How I handled it, which I think was piss poor, you know, at points for sure. I really, you know, looking back, obviously wish I could have done that differently.

Erin:

I wish I had self-esteem. that's like a lot of my self-esteem was driven by how I treated and was treated by people and super anxiety and no self-esteem. I wish I had self-esteem. Throughout all of middle school and high school. I wish that would've showed up a little bit. Differently.

Tanya:

I wish I had some self-esteem. Wish I knew what that even was.'cause I remember hearing

Erin:

about it and just being like, Ugh. my dad used to say you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. And I always be like, that's what a jerk. Like, that's so, so that's so selfish. But now as an adult, I'm like, oh. I know what he meant, it's hard to understand when you can't even. Look at yourself in the mirror when you're a little kid. when you're younger you just hate everything about yourself.

Tanya:

a lot of people say those things, but they don't really teach you how to do that if you don't have healthy role modeling. How are you supposed to know how to do it? I remember thinking like, how, I don't know. And then you're just like living in the trenches.

Erin:

I can't even survive. I understand that was probably his way of being like. Let me help you, but I'm not gonna give you any tools,

Tanya:

Parents don't understand. I think communication is really key. understanding is probably, as of late, you know, for parenting is stressed more. It just wasn't really for maybe our generation and our parents. But yeah. All right. So, now we hope you enjoyed this return to Adam. We are so happy to have Erin back. and to that she is healthy and looking good. we're gonna return next week. with some more Adam and, probably stay on this route for a while, don't forget to follow us on all the socials. We're even on YouTube. If you wanna see our Yeah. We have a few followers,

Erin:

so let's, get more.

Tanya:

Come on over. We're, we're, or subscribers or whatever they say, you

Erin:

know, I'm so old, you know.

Tanya:

I know what you meant. But yeah, this was another good one. we will see you next week. in the meantime, don't forget, stay wicked and keep your mind well. All right, everyone. Have a great week. Bye. Bye guys.

People on this episode

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Erin

Host
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Tanya Santos

Host