Wicked Psychotherapists

Reality Bites (1994) | Gen X, Identity & Existential Angst

• Erin Gray and Tanya Dos Santos • Season 3 • Episode 9

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What happens when the weight of adulthood, identity struggles, and Gen X disillusionment collide?

Reality Bites (1994) explores the messiness of post-college life, and in this episode, we’re breaking it all down.

Join us as we dive into the film’s portrayal of finding meaning, selling out vs. staying true, and why Troy might not be the dreamy intellectual we thought he was. 

We unpack Lainey’s journey, Vicky’s underrated character arc, and how Gen Z might relate to the same struggles in new ways. 

Plus, we have fun with Reality Bites trivia, unexpected cast discoveries, and some classic 90s nostalgia.

🎙️ Did Lainey make the right choice? Was Troy really the worst? And why does this movie still resonate today?Let’s talk about it!

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You are listening to Wicked Psychotherapists, a podcast where two psychotherapists show you that taking care of and learning about mental health doesn't have to be wicked hard.

both:

Hey everyone, this is Tanya. Hi, this is Erin and welcome to Wicked Psychotherapist.

tanya:

we are traveling into Gen X territory. We are going with another Winona movie as promised if you've been following us. You know that we're obsessed with Winona Ryder at the moment. we have varying obsessions, going to talk about the movie, Reality Bites, and this is a, uh, a 90s classic, 1994, I believe, this was kind of like, uh, really a, a great movie for people who were, you know, graduating college in their early 20s, around this time, it kind of showed the, Uh

Erin:

huh.

tanya:

maybe the, the angst or the, need for trying to find, like, who, who are we in this, you know, day and age after the baby boomers, you know, having, having them as parents and they were, you know, went through this whole, I don't know, hippie culture and then turning into like the eighties yuppies kind of thing and going corporate and so they're kind of inheriting this You know, work ethic, but also, wanting to be authentic to themselves. it's such an interesting movie because it's just, it's so great. I mean, all the actors in there too are just amazing. There's Ethan Highhawk and Janine Garofalo.

both:

Yeah, we had to do some, we had to do some sleuthing for her and Andy Dick. We just realized

tanya:

Renee Zellweger was in it at the very beginning. If you didn't know that, little piece of trivia. We were like, I was astounded. I was like, what? Erin had told me. we still can't really figure out where Andy Dick was. Like, it's still, if anybody knows, please let us know. It's just a sleazy boss, so, oh my gosh! Was he, was he, did he play when she was interviewing, and, for jobs, after she got let go from the

both:

production for a job? I don't know. Maybe. And he was the

tanya:

one that was like, it was like a Rated X kind of movie place.

both:

I guess so.

tanya:

Was that him?

both:

Yeah,

tanya:

cause John Mahoney was her other boss. Maybe that's what they meant by sleazy boss.

both:

Well, now he's two. That two for, you know Yeah. Three times we've talked about John Mahoney. Yeah. The podcast. And he was, he

Erin:

played

both:

out two times. He hasn't been the

Erin:

nicest, so we don't like that. Come on. he is the best as Marty and Frazier. Yeah. Yeah. But we, but

tanya:

he, he ends up being victorious and Frazier, so that's

Erin:

his most loved role.

both:

Mm-hmm

tanya:

Yes, so this is just like jam packed with

Erin:

so

tanya:

many different, I don't know, classic people, at least for our generation, I feel like, I don't know, they all were. Maybe some people don't know who some of these people are, Anyway, so this movie we thought was interesting because it, it talks about finding your path, your identity post college. There's, you know, a group of four friends. They're all trying to, you know, find, they just graduated college. Lainey, who's Winona Ryder is the valedictorian. She's giving a speech and kind of ends up saying, like, she's the answer to all these problems. She's inherited from her generation. I don't know. I don't know. You know, and it's because she kind of lost her place, but really. In essence, like, she probably really doesn't know and

Erin:

nobody really knows. Yeah, I don't I don't know if there is an answer. Yeah, but, yeah, so

tanya:

I think that this is, a movie that a lot of people can relate to if you're of that generation and And as we were talking about of the, the generation now, the Gen, Gen Zers I think they would find some similar points. It would be very different in terms of how they would maybe try to find themselves or find jobs. I don't think there would be an availability of all these kind of creative social media content creator type jobs, or even just virtual jobs, you know, to be able to find yourself. But I, I think Lainey is really struggling with finding meaning. She really wants to, make something of videos that she's making of her friends.

both:

you know.

Erin:

Yeah, it's, it's really kind of interesting to

tanya:

see all the different characters. There's Ethan Hawke plays Troy, who's kind of this like disaffected genius type who doesn't really care about You know, how, like, if he has, like, a high power job or makes a lot of money that has a lot of prestige, he just, he doesn't even care to finish college. He's just like, nah, I don't need it. And just works at a gas station, smokes some, some weed here and there or a lot, actually, I think in the movie and yeah, and there's kind of some tension between him and Winona Laney, forgetting her name. But Vicky, Janine Garofalo, is, Lainey's best friend, and there's just a lot of interactions, a lot of things where it's showing them, you know, Ethan's, Ethan Hawke's character is very much kind of like, he can't really get involved, he can't commit, he kind of has a string of, I think as, as Lainey termed it, like, Empty bimbos or something, empty headed bimbos, something like that, you know, he kind of doesn't really have like anything where anybody would really get to know him and then she starts dating, Ben Stiller, who's another person that appears in this, who's kind of more of like the typical kind of what they would term as a yuppies, very corporate. You know, very high end job. yeah, it's just that you don't expect her to start

both:

dating him, though, and here's somebody who's buying her lunch or dinner and paying attention to her and when she's not having to, you know, put all the effort she seems to

Erin:

have to do for other people she's dated or liked. Yeah. And even kind of, like,

tanya:

just, yeah, being different from her friends, I think she's kind of curious and kind of like, oh, you know, this is kind of what I always thought I didn't want, but I think she's kind of investigating that part of her life, sort of. And Vicky, who we both agree is an awesome character. she's fun. She's kind of like super into 70s stuff. Xanadu or Grease? Doesn't she have like a poster of Yeah, Grease. John

Erin:

Travolta in what's the, oh my god, I can't even think of the movie. Pulp Fiction? Where he's

both:

the, you know, the, Oh, oh, oh my gosh not Creep, but the, like he's,

tanya:

where

both:

he's in the, I don't know. I

tanya:

don't know. It's like in the, it's a 70s movie where he's like, I can't figure out if you're screaming at

both:

us right now. Yeah, I feel like it's, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, but you all know that, that I, you'll see, you'll, you'll see him, you'll see him doing the hand things that. Tanya was doing that. You can't see it because we're on a break.

Erin:

Well, it's in the movie. It pans over on the poster and she's got, like, Yeah. My rendition. Yeah.

tanya:

Exactly. But, like, she's obsessed with, like, 70s culture and she's also kind of goes through, like, you know, a series of one night stands that she keeps track of in her diary and then we learn that she's kind of afraid she's getting tested at a clinic because she might have, like, AIDS. That was kind of You know, at a high point at that time, like that fear

both:

called Laney, there's probably the chance of Connection

Erin:

chance of vulnerability yeah Which is so ironic because I think in

tanya:

the front group, they all kind of are striving for this feeling of like, authenticity, what's my like, meaning in life, but they really struggle with making connections with people and I think that's kind of a, a big part of some of the, the, the struggle in this movie and kind of finding your identity and realizing that it's okay to, you know, like someone who is in a corporate job or even want to be paid

both:

it's okay that, you know, you're, you're not a sell out. It's a, you know, it's. You know, It's a weird balance, but now, Now that I'm older, you know, like I feel like, I feel like I, it's like almost full circle. So now I'm, you know, like doing therapy, doing it at home. I'm able to do stuff I like, plus have fun in between. So I'm like, Hey, when I'm not seeing clients, I can go outside or go in the garden or do stuff, you know, like do whatever I want. You know, like it's like, I'll have, I'll have a boss right over my shoulder or telling me what to do. So it's kind of like full circle

Erin:

for me. Yeah. I think that a lot of

tanya:

people in, and, and not, of course, not just Gen X, but like, I think this is just capturing that, that struggle of we don't want to embrace the, you know, our parents baby boomer generation who went from being hippies, flower children to like corporate yuppies kind of thing. And we don't want to be materialistic, like, you know, all the eighties kind of, you know, that they experienced growing up and they were, you know, probably trying to go against that. But at the same point. You can't go so far idealistic where you're not caring about, you know, actual survival and things like that. And it was, it was kind of interesting where, you know, Lainey was saying, I just wanted to, you know, it meant something to me, this document this document, this documentary documentary. I can't speak today. Sorry, there's a, there's a there's a, there's a podcaster who says documentary and I, I started saying that because I've heard her say it so many times, but documentary

Erin:

yeah,

tanya:

like her, her, you know, which ends up starting to date the, the corporate guy, Michael. And he decides to hand it over to his corporate company, they, they really make a mess of it, they cut it up and they make it all like real world and all that, that stuff, like the MTV kind of like. And they're, they're misquoting, they're cutting out things, like, cutting the things and saying, the meaning of life is pizza, pizza, and it's just like making a mockery of all the things that she wanted to show.

Erin:

Yeah,

tanya:

it was kind of nostalgic because, you know, you kind of saw the way even in that clip where Lainey's watching TV and it's, like, MTV fashion, and it's like, yeah, it's like the, the bandana for Crips and Bloods, Donna Karan, only 75, which was, Like an insane amount of money at that point for like, just a little, a scarf and they're having like, you know, they're kind of glorifying, you know, hip hop, gangster culture it's ridiculous because it really was like that, it truly was, it was, there really was that era of like, it just went insane, you know, and not like we don't do it now with other things, but that was that was for that period of time. But, yeah, I, I think that this is really about kind of fighting against some of these. You know, perceived mistakes, barriers, whatever it is that of of the generation before them. And finding, you know, their identity, Laney, trying to figure out which partner is better suited for her, which,

Erin:

yeah,

both:

I don't know why she had to choose either I'm like wishing, like, why can't, why can't there be a third option for Laney? Yeah, like, what if Laney decided not to date anybody? And just decided to figure out how can I get my movie to PBS or how can I do what she originally wanted to do? Instead of having a guy Part of it that would have been even better like then that would have been like a hey reality can be You get to not be stuck with either of these

Erin:

guys Yeah. Or like your, your path is not based on,

tanya:

you know, what, what person you're dating. And I feel like in that era, that was kind of always how women were portrayed was like, Oh, okay. They're, they're, you know, independent and they're, they're free and they kind of have to fight some, some things in the, you know, patriarchy. Like, she's kind of like telling her dad in the beginning, like, don't treat mom like a child and I don't want your, your BMW or she doesn't want your BMW kind of thing. But at the same point, yeah. That era and before,

both:

which,

tanya:

like, for sure, it's nice

both:

that in movies today, we're not seeing that as much. I mean, because I, I love Delaney. I, I love who she was and I liked her style and I just thought she was just really cool. And, yeah. Even like giving Michael a shot and like that one, one part where she has that white dress on and she's so excited she got this. It's not usually her style, but she's stepping out and she's trying something new and she's, and she thinks it's pretty and then Troy is just like, ugh, you look like you're wearing a doily. Which is like, you know, It's so mean and it's just like, instead of just being like, oh,

Erin:

that's nice or have fun. Yeah, he's a doily. That's so mean. He's going

both:

to say something, but you wonder like what is going on with Lainey's like self esteem, self worth, you know, like what, you know, at that moment that she, you know, cuz even like with, yeah, Troy's like saying that she's like, Oh, well, I'm gonna go change. And then Michael's like, no, you look beautiful, you know, and he's like thinking like, I'm the one dating you. Why do you care what he's saying? Why do you care why is Troy getting in your head? You know, like, let's go, you look really nice. And it

Erin:

took her a moment. Yeah Troy's like, no, don't go thinking for yourself.

tanya:

You know, like, he's, he's really a jerk. He really is. I hated that. I was so like, oh, well, like, when she stepped out, I was like, she looks cute, you know, and like, she's got like the red lipstick and she's like this little, you know, the little waif gal, you know, and she's got a pretty face and you know, she just looked nice. It just was like, different from kind of the, the grunge kind of wear that she normally like, you know, had on, but, I thought I was like, oh, wow, she looks nice. And then, yeah, it just kind of sunk that moment. And I don't know. I think we were talking about this earlier, but I think Troy, the character would have appealed to me when I was younger, but. I think Michael, like, if there were a choice between the two, I think Michael would now appeal to me more because he's not sleeping on someone's couch.

both:

By all means, he seems to be a pretty

tanya:

decent guy. in like a corporate job, he's

Erin:

not. He's not rude

tanya:

I mean, he seems to care though, too. Like, he lets her go, like, you know, for the insurance thing. He's like, you just, you seem nice and like, yeah, he probably likes her, but still, I mean, he's. He's not like, trying to go after money anywhere. He can see it. He's not like litigious and a, you know, jerk like that.

both:

especially if you're comparing the 2 of them. It's, you know, like, he, yeah, he does seem like he's. He can be sweet, but yeah, there's also something about him that doesn't appeal to Lainey. Like, you know, like, maybe he's not as edgy as she has always dated, or maybe that's something that she's afraid to look inward, because maybe that's what she really wants. Maybe she wants somebody who has money, who's financially secure, or

Erin:

already

both:

in

Erin:

their career. Yeah, and I,

tanya:

I think there's just not the same, like, physical attraction and just, like, kind of, like, connection that she has with Troy, you know, like, she just is kind of, they're, they're kind of similar and they're thinking they just kind of have that thing, you know, that, I don't know, you just kind of feel in someone else I'm trying to picture now, like, say, okay, and this is so ridiculous, but I did try to project into the future with this movie. And these fictional characters, and I was like, say they ended up together, right? Troy and Laney, what does he end up doing? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, she, she seems like she would continue to pursue her documentaries, like, kind of media pursuits, you know, maybe have moved into, like, social media type stuff, digital media, whatever. I feel like that would be a safe, safe bet with her. She seemed pretty driven. She was connected to that. But with Troy, I mean, like, does he still want to go after being in the In a band and like kind of half assing it, like just kind of, or is he on

both:

the Lazy Boy drinking a beer? I don't know, pick up and kind of

tanya:

do something and then get into like a very rigid and work ethic and then kind of throw himself into the world, sort of, that's what I kind of picture with him, 20

both:

years later,

Erin:

I know, that's what I picture. Yeah, that's kind

tanya:

of more what I lean towards, but I, I do know, I mean, some people can pick it up and be like, okay, and

both:

they just kind of hang out after he finishes his morning or whatever. It doesn't seem like they have a great relationship, but does that make him realize like, okay, well, maybe I need to figure out who I want to be and, you know, get a

Erin:

or get a trade or something. Yeah. Yeah. It could have been like

tanya:

the, the catalyst to kind of give him like the kick in the pants, you know, to be like, all right, get going. And I think that's kind of the, the, one of the themes of this movie is like, what is it that kind of makes you come to realize that, you know, yeah, no matter what you have to be. In reality, no matter how you kind of deal with it, is that you get a job where you're just like, oh, I'm just not going to try so that I don't have to

both:

live in that kind of

tanya:

world,

both:

you know, where everything is about competing, or is it kind of like, do I go corporate and go see my full potential? Like, you know what I mean? Like, you know, the counties or whatever, who like after high school or after, you know, like, or whatever, just kind of get stuck. They're just. You know, time doesn't, you know, like just kind of stopped with whatever age they were, you know, like 18, 19, they're still probably wearing the same type of clothes, listening to the same music, living in their parents basement, or whatever they're doing, and it's probably still smoking pot all day, and it's just, it's just like what, you know, you wonder what happened, or why did they decide to just stay, what, what made them Not progressed to adulthood, you know, and that's probably probably like with Troy It's like he he didn't move out, but he's just kind of like floating He's like living on people's couches and doing this and just not really making that full commitment past high school because you and I talked before I was gonna say session before our podcast that That, you know, like at their age, high school was just a few years before, I know they just graduated from college, but just like four or five years before that, they were just high schoolers. So, and it sounds like Troy is still like stuck in between and a lot of people get stuck in between. And sometimes people don't have that push to real either realize that they are stuck because they have other people in their life that keep supporting them, family members or other people, friends or other people. That they really have no incentive to

Erin:

Fully become adults. Yeah, that's a really good point. Yeah, and I I think

tanya:

with Troy he he's like I mean He's known to be very intellectual but to not to be kind of Against the system, like, kind of, kind of antisocial in that, in that regard, you know, like, kind of, I'm not going to follow the prescribed path of, you know, that society gives to me. But I think what you're saying, yeah, at the end, you do see them kind of change a little bit. And who knows, you know, if this was just a temporary thing, or if this actually did, you know, can definitely give someone a, you know, fresh set of eyes to be like. Wait a minute, what the heck am I doing here? We don't have that long and. You know, I didn't even get, he didn't even know his dad too well, right, because we learned that in the movie and yeah, it may kind of be like, you know, I, I may as well give what it is I have. It doesn't matter if this looks like. You know, it's inauthentic or it's not helping the world and this and that. It does, it doesn't matter.

both:

then, then he came back and he realized like, oh, well, I really do to be with Lainey. I don't want to just date around. And, then you see Laney's with, you know, definitely with the figuring out. Okay. Well, I want to work. I definitely do want to have my dog. Oh, my God. Now I can't say the word documentary.

Erin:

Oh, my God. I hate you.

both:

Yeah, but the documentary that she had, that now she realizes, like, this is what I want, I want to have the screen, I want I really want to see this. It's a weird way to say that. Sammy is when he comes out with his parents, comes out to his family. So it's really hard and trying. And, you know, so that, that is really his, you know, probably his big reality thing. And with Vicki, I think it's, I think it's twofold for her. I think it's when she gets her, uh, management for GAP, because that's huge. Because, and then she realizes, this is my career, I want to, I, I, Really love this. I'm so proud of myself and I really want, this is what I want to do. I want to be a manager of GAP and I want to do and work in retail. And also I think getting the negative test from when she got the AIDS test. I think those were two big things because then that might have made her realize like, oh, maybe I should be more conscious of who I'm sleeping with or what, what I'm doing or who, what safety I'm putting in place. So I do think each character, each of those four main characters probably do have, like, it's not like they're not saying like reality bites like each time, but I think they are having different points of adulthood

Erin:

and reality come in. Yeah, that's an interesting perspective. I didn't

tanya:

I didn't think of it that way, but that is a really good perspective. I think you're right. I think that really is kind of where, like, they have those like transition into, like, I don't want to say transition into adulthood, but kind of like where they kind of realized, hey, this is what I need to take on. I don't have to be unhappy about it and yeah, I have to accept some like prescribed rules and like norms and you know, stuff like that of society, but it doesn't mean that I'm fully compromised. I can still be who I want to be, you know, Vicki can can still be, you know, kind of her quirky self and I think she's, I think she's hilarious and Lainey can still, you know, be getting great Transcribed footage of, of her, her friends and kind of the, this, you know, the struggle that she's capturing of that generation and finding their identity and who they are after college. And you know, with Troy, Troy kind of, Troy finds it at the very end, so we don't really know, but I'm sure, I mean, hopefully, I guess we're, Hoping maybe that that kind of was a, a, you know, change for him and Sammy, of course, you're hoping will come. I like, I like Sammy senses because he is, he's, he's a good,

both:

like, he's like the

tanya:

just ridiculous because like the friend that you don't really, they don't

both:

really highlight a lot in that. But he's like, always there. And he's like the cheerleader

Erin:

friend. Yeah, yeah, he really is. Like, he was so

tanya:

happy when Vicki got her, her negative test result. He was just like, Oh, my gosh. And he was like, always there. And so I, yeah, he, yeah, that you

both:

would know

tanya:

that you would notice if they weren't part of the one of those, yeah, like a cornerstone friends that, like, maybe is kind of, kind of in the background, but is actually like a really, yeah. Great friend that you would really, really miss. Yeah.

both:

And that's sad. And it's sad that that happens or happened a lot back then and probably still happens today. It's so sad when he's sitting out in front of

tanya:

his parents house and he's like, I just want to go home.

Erin:

Like, I

tanya:

just

Erin:

want

tanya:

to be able to be let

Erin:

back inside the house. You know, like, yeah, that, that honestly, like, it,

tanya:

used to feel. Yeah, they're your children. I mean, I still do, of course, but like, you know, it, it, it was a huge, Yeah. point of like empathy for me. I just, I, I used to feel so like, I just don't, I just don't get it. And like, oh my gosh, these people, they feel, yes, what, why would you do that to your kid? And I still don't get it. But I feel like, yeah, that was, those were big things. I think back in that movie not that again, not that it's not, but I think it was in a different stage you know, kind of accepting if somebody was, yeah, that was in

both:

hate

tanya:

of

both:

it

tanya:

too, you know, was, was not. Heterosexual, uh, but, you know, and then also the, the

Erin:

AIDS, epidemic was still in pretty full swing. yeah, I actually just saw

tanya:

something, it's, this is so weird, but this is before we even were going to watch this, what we're planning to watch this movie, but I saw something that I think I posted on Instagram that was like, there was this camp for kids that was established like, I don't know, 30 years ago or something, or maybe in the 80s. Maybe 40 years ago in the 80s. But, that was for, for kids who had HIV and or AIDS and Yeah, I saw you post that. I thought that was great. I had such a, you know, that's like

both:

what you, they probably wanted, like when they opened the camp, they said, they probably, you know, like how a lot of, enough people, like, okay, we're here until we're not needed anymore. But they, they never realized that it's gonna really actually come to fruition. So that's really awesome. That's

Erin:

great yeah, that's like one of those things you want to hear that they, they're

tanya:

out of business. Yeah, yeah, that's, that's really great. Yeah. And, and so, I mean, you know, it just kind of shows the, the difference in the, in the time period, right? The things that were really, you know, at the height, I don't really know what it may be like COVID thinking about that, but that's not quite the same. I don't know, but, very different, I think, you know, where we're at in the timelines with those things. But still, obviously, difficulties with those things. But, yeah, I, I do think it, it was, you know, and oh, my God, Ethan Hawke and his green eyes. He, he was, he was very cute.

Erin:

He was very cute.

tanya:

I don't know, I had a huge crush on him. I know he kind of disappeared, sort of, like, he had, he had a few more things and he kind of disappeared,

Erin:

but I liked him, man. He was a cutie, Yeah, he was a cutie. But I just, I,

tanya:

I think this movie is, I, I hadn't watched it in a while. I probably watched it probably in maybe the early 2000s was the last time, maybe late 90s, I don't know. But re watching it again was interesting. I, I forgot. about a lot of

Erin:

it and it was just a different perspective. They're all young. It's so, it's

tanya:

so nuts to see them, you know, this was like 30 years ago, and they were in their 20s, so, yeah, it's, it's just really different. And then the fact that Andy Dick is in there, we didn't know that, and Renee Zellweger, just very small, small appearances, but like, they were. David Spade, yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. David, David Pirner from Soul Asylum.

Erin:

Yeah, so I think it was just nice to, this is a

tanya:

movie that if you're into like Gen X ers, if you just like the point of it, if you're just kind of curious, if you like the actors or the actresses, just go, go check it out. You know, we, we like it being, uh, you know, basically Gen X ers. I'm, I'm kind of on the cusp, but. Basically, and and, you know, I think it really is just, it, it really tells you a lot about how much things have evolved and how much they have not. It's kind of the same. Same thing I was thinking, you know, while watching it, I was like, wow, I've definitely heard people who are. In this latest generation, or just younger people saying, you know, some of these things that that they're talking about in the movie that are worries and struggles and

Erin:

everything just maybe with different language.

tanya:

let's uh, let's close it out and, you know, we hope you enjoyed this, let us know what you think, let us know if you want to watch it, or if you have watched it, or if you watch it again, and if that kind of changed your perspective the way it did with both of us,

But don't forget, stay wicked and keep your mind well. All right. Have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. Bye bye. Bye guys. Thanks so much for listening today to the Wicked Psychotherapist podcast. Be sure to like and follow us on Apple, Spotify, and Amazon, or wherever else you listen to your podcasts.

People on this episode

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Erin

Host
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Tanya Santos

Host