Thanksgiving Traditions: Reflections on Food, Family, and Mental Health

In this episode of Wicked Psychotherapists, Tanya and Erin discuss their Thanksgiving traditions, childhood memories, and the interplay of mental health during the holidays. 

They share personal anecdotes about family feasts, cultural influences, and how their celebrations have evolved over time. 

The episode focuses on the importance of creating new traditions, managing holiday stress, and finding comfort in seasonal rituals. 

They also talk about the significance of being surrounded by loved ones and establishing boundaries to ensure a mentally healthy holiday season.

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Transcript

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You are listening to Wicked Psychotherapists, a podcast where two psychotherapists show you that taking care of and learning about mental health doesn't have to be wicked hard. Hey everyone. It's Tanya. It's Erin and welcome to Wicked Psychotherapist. today we are traveling towards the Thanksgiving holiday talking about Thanksgiving, traditions, the food, all of it. think that would be fun to dive into, just have kind of a lighter, episode sometimes we have topics that are mental health heavy. holidays can be mental health heavy, but we're just talking about traditions, things we remember, which actually may not be so light. most people have family issues jokes about, Thanksgiving, traumas because of holidays. psychology counseling might come into play, that's what we thought we would talk about. We're just gonna talk about our own stuff food and holiday traditions, things you may have done, and things we do now, some things may be really great, some things that may be really tough, some things that you miss about, this holiday. Or maybe you don't celebrate it, but, if you're listening, maybe you're curious, let's get into it. let's talk about it. You know, I don't know if, Erin, if you want to kind of talk about some of the things you remember growing up, traditions or foods what was Thanksgiving like in your household Okay. growing up, we're from New England. So I grew up in, Rhode Island, actually. Tanya and I were talking when we were like, let's do an episode, because we usually talk and plan our episodes out ahead of time, and the other week we were saying let's do an episode about Thanksgiving. And I'm like, let me think of some of those food that we used to have, I don't know if it's just a Rhode Island thing or New England but, brown bread in a can you plop it out heat it up with butter and stuff like that. You still have the ripples from the can on the bread Cause it's the bread that can last 12 years, that was always a staple. a weird thing, because those who might not know what I'm talking about, if you're not from New England, especially, you probably won't know. Almost looks like bran bread, how do you say that? bran bread, I think, yeah. Brand bread. Brand beef. Brand flavor. Yeah, brand muffins. Like a brand bread. So brand, it looks like brand bread with, or brand, you know, like with raisins literally in a can. for some reason it's really tasty. my mom was Italian. So we always had something Italian, like usually lasagna or baked ziti or whatever she wanted to make, something most like mostly Italian, it would seem like the turkey and mashed potatoes we'd have, but then it would be 12 course meal of all the Italian stuff I always thought that's what people did. I didn't realize that Thanksgiving is usually just turkey mashed potatoes and stuff. I've been a vegetarian since I was 14. So I stopped doing the turkey and stuff, but I'd always eat the vegetables my mom's lasagna and everything else. my mom would, have the turkey, but everything else would be, the Italian stuff And she would always insist on having rolls, but they'd always be burned. my mom did not know how to bake. she couldn't even do the Pillsbury dough boy. Thing Oh, I used to love those. Oh my god. Put the, um, little rolls and then you just put them on for like, you know, you only put them on for like five or ten minutes and then you get them out. For some reason my mom, it was like time just stopped for her or something. Two hours good enough for the rolls. my gosh, like rocks later. It would be smoky and Rocks, and so eventually I think my sister is like, I'll do the rolls, mom. because it would be Disgusting I was like, rolls must be so hard to make I realize it's not really that hard. It's just my mom. It's just timing Yeah, I think when you drink a lot of wine When you're cooking it's hard to judge time Time flies by, when you're drinking and making Thanksgiving. It was just like a weird assortment, you know, and of course can shaped Cranberry sauce and can shaped, bread. Was it the jelly that takes on ripples? Or the actual berries? No, the one that was canned and then you slice it. that's the one, me too, yep. That's, that's the, that's the only cranberry sauce I ever knew, I didn't realize it came any other way. now I make it from scratch. it tastes so much better. than the jelly kind. But all we'd ever have is the jelly. cranberry sauce, I've had the fresh made one, I still really like it. Yeah, there's something to it. it probably is comforting. Yeah, it's like a nostalgia. it's like, yeah, I guess. it's just kind of, like, can you give me a forkful of, Cranberry, cause you could just stab it with a fork, and place it on your plate. It was just like an old jelly. Jelly roll. Just stab it, and plop it on your plate, my dad's like, you need cranberry sauce, it helps you digest. All the things we made up and Uh, alright. thanks for my big meal. And I'll have this, this, this little Can I just help move it along? did you all have any decor or anything? Like special tablecloth or was it just kind of my mom liked to have a lot of stuff out we had a front room full of, dolls teddy bears and different things. for Thanksgiving, we might've had a couple of pumpkins out. I don't really remember. She went all out for Christmas. So Thanksgiving, I think we had a turkey plate like the plate that they serve stuff on, had a picture of a turkey on it. we must've used paper plates because we had a lot of people, my mom's, Brother and her two sisters come over from New York. they would usually stay with us we had a dishwasher, but we never used it It was the kind you had to plug into the sink. paper plates. It is. Yeah I don't see anything wrong with that. Yeah, so that makes what it was. we're really fancy for some people it's a part, and some people it's not, it's more of a practical matter, right? Yeah. did you help to cook or were you just like, no, this is not my thing? really my thing, because I would help with the salad sometimes, like at home, where I'd try to help my mom with the lasagna, because I liked helping her. Right. get the noodles and, you know, get them out of the strainer and then lay them out help with the layering. So I guess I would help with that. My sister would really help with the other stuff. my mom would start a day or so ahead of time I was like, Thanksgiving must be so hard I don't know why people do it. It takes all this stress and but it's really not as hard as people make it seem. we've hosted as an adult a lot and it's hard. but you have to understand Not being drunk while doing it makes it easier too. So I think usually I think I'd probably just go out with my friends beforehand or something. Or maybe af, maybe it was after, or, I don't know. I think I just try to stay outta my mom's way. And then we I'd then I'd go back and hide in my room Then have dessert and hide in my room and then we'd play They really like this is gonna date me too. They really like Yahtzee and Boggle my dad ended up buying me Yahtzee recently so I'm like, good teach the kids how to gamble early so You gotta learn how to play poker so we we've been playing So we've been doing Yahtzee. It's a good thing to learn. Yeah, why not? but yeah, that would always be the family thing we would do after and then of course football and all that stuff would always be on in the background that sounds pretty interesting. it's different because there's some New England tie ins, right? but also your mother's Italian side and, your own family traditions right? everybody has some variation in that. some listening may not have any traditions, or maybe they spent it at their friend's house. my mom I don't remember exactly, but I know that she would incorporate some French Canadian stuff from her mother, like meat and stuffing which I'm not a big fan of. her cooking was really good. She did all the cooking. it did seem like it was so hard. it just wasn't really an event we were, I don't think any of us as her kids that like, You know, I, I don't know if it was like she felt we were reluctant but we just weren't part of the cooking. She seemed really overwhelmed with it, but I do remember I loved that. I looked forward to it because it was good. turkey mashed potatoes stuffing we didn't have traditions, it was just us, my sisters, and my mom, I don't think my dad celebrated it. he'd be present, when I was really young, they got separated, when I was young. I don't think, he wasn't into holidays really, ever, but, I looked forward to it because, I like the Macy's Day Parade on TV. I think I was the only one that kind of did. Um, but we didn't have any family activities. It wasn't a day together, but I just liked it because we wouldn't eat together. We'd kind of just go to the TV and eat, I think sometimes we maybe did the dining room table like maybe a couple of years or something, but, we didn't have any decor. It was just like, okay, this is what we do. it was nice to have a suspended day Yeah, no, you know school and I don't know I think for my mom It felt stressful because she was cooking for us to eat It always felt kind of nice something to look forward to but looking back, it was kind of lonely, for all of us, you know, we didn't really have any traditions. We didn't play any games. we would watch football when my mom's boyfriend was in the picture, but it would just be him watching it. I don't know. it was kind of disconnected. a holiday you looked forward to, I did, because there was no school, and I liked the food, at that point in my life, I didn't even know what, being a connected family was, It's not like I missed that, it just wasn't there. Yeah. Looking back I feel sad and wonder why, we didn't really have any, like, aunts or uncles. Like, come over, we didn't spend it with them. And I don't know if it was just because of different factors, I don't think there was anything going on but it was just, I don't know. I like the food, It was good. My mom cooked it well. But we didn't have any, real, you know, It was just like the standard kind of, and we definitely had the cranberry sauce, you know, that came in a can that I loved. I still bring it to my husband's family's traditions, which are really different. I think I'm the only one that eats it. sometimes I'll cut it. Sometimes someone else cuts it, but I always have that in gravy, which is not a part of the tradition. I thought everyone had like a gravy boat of some either mushroom or chicken or whatever gravy. my husband's family is Portuguese and because it is an American holiday. they've had, American people come to their traditions, but it's a lot of family. It's a lot of togetherness. the opposite experience. not judging just saying it's different, my mom put a lot into Thanksgiving that we did have, I appreciate that, I can see that, but, it really is more family togetherness, there's wine, seafood, there's turkey, there's a lot of, different types of meat, I always make mashed potatoes, we usually host it at our house, but, my husband's mom and aunts and the uncles, bring a lot, his cousins, make Fantastic desserts, It's hard to choose if you're just going to have one. really good food. It's really different for me. Thanksgiving is very different. I definitely look forward to it. they're very welcoming. I look forward to it a lot now it's opposite of you it's like us and my dad So it's a lot smaller growing up. It was my whole family siblings parents My mom's siblings and you know, then when my aunt had a kid, So that was a lot but it was also very stressful for me growing up was chaotic and some family members didn't get along when they all were together there was tension or actual fights like some of my mom siblings didn't all you know It didn't seem like they always got along or Some didn't get along with my siblings or my siblings didn't get along with each other Or my parents, there was always some sort of tension or actual fights or Alcohol involved, I wasn't of age, They didn't know I drank, It wasn't like I was partaking so I would usually just be like i'm just gonna go in my room I just didn't feel very connected I didn't feel very thankful I did like the food but it just I thought Thanksgiving sucked, because of that Until recently and I'm like, oh my gosh, Thanksgiving can be whatever you want it to be. it's to be thankful It doesn't have to be super stressful and it doesn't have to be a show you don't have to be up for two nights Cleaning cooking burning your stuff my mom would always end up in center care too Because she would always cut her finger or burn herself It's always a joke Wednesday before Thanksgiving, is mom going to the center care or the clinic what injury is she getting this year? that's a crazy tradition. the hospital tradition. I did like seeing my family, but I think it was also because they would stay for like days and days and days. It was like, oh my gosh is thanksgiving ever Ending, it was going on and on it was a lot for me I know everyone else probably liked it but for me I was like Okay, i'm done too overwhelming. a lot of people there and you have to kind of, manage like where do I fit in here and what's gonna happen my personality was always a little different too felt like I didn't fit in. With a lot of them. and that can be kind of tough but now it's like okay I'm actually the one who can make the rules about Thanksgiving we can all do what we need to do and it can be less stress we can be outside. We do it outside on our patio, in Florida it's nice and cool screened in we play yard games break out the Yahtzee, different, like we want it to look my dad comes, it's smaller, less chaotic for me, Yeah, for sure. It definitely does. it still makes sense. yeah, that's kind of nice. now I look forward to it. I have to clean up and do a lot of prep work, but I actually like it. I get excited about it. not every aspect of it. cleaning up is not the funnest but I feel like this is, What I've always wanted A family that, gets together and they play some games afterwards. they bring some, dominoes kind of game called like train dominoes or something. Mexican train. Yeah, I know that one. Yeah. There's kind of that, and then there's, there's a lot of wine. Great wine, And talking, some of it I don't fully understand, but I'm okay with that. some of it I do and, you know, my husband's family is great, it really is nice now, I'm very excited for the holidays. I'm always excited, I'm not comparing to when I was younger. I love my mom's, cooking, but there's something about having family around, when you feel accepted and connected, in a way that, it just wasn't growing up because of circumstances, I do, love, now speaking of favorites and stuff like that. I love the wines. There's homemade wines. There's wines that people bring in. I love the desserts his family makes. honestly, I can't choose. there's so many dishes that I just, I love growing up, I loved mashed potatoes and stuffing I still love that, but there's like kind of some different things that I look forward to. What about you? you have a favorite? Has it changed? it's funny you mentioned the stuffing, my mom used to always make it? she would put apples Pecans or walnuts sausage not ham, but like meat stuffing onions, celery, so much stuff my sister my uncle, everyone loved it. I was like, can you just make me a plain one? so she would always make a side dish of plain maybe some apples. yeah, but my husband is actually the cook for Thanksgiving and he. Does an excellent job and like everything he does. I think he does this carrot thing with Maple syrup or something in it when he cooks it and caramelizes it. It's really good like little sliced carrots It's good. And I think that's one of my favorite things. my daughter and husband make Ambrosia every year I like the cherries in Ambrosia and the Cool Whip, but I haven't really acquired the taste for Ambrosia myself. I haven't had much experience with it, I like different things I don't know, I think it's just, again, Being able to decide what we serve, is nice. I still incorporate the Italian thing. I'll make baked ziti, lasagna, spinach balls. I might do something my mom would have made, just to kind of bring her into the meal, a little bit of the Italian You know, an ode to my mom sometimes, you know, without going to, yeah, without going to the, um, walk in clinic the night before. Yeah, I think that's why I keep the cranberry jelly, I like it, but it reminds me of, Thanksgiving we never did the brown bread, but the canned, cranberry sauce, and my mom's stuffing was usually, stovetop, stuffing, which I loved, I just thought it was so good. They've been doing it for years. It's comforting Thanksgiving's interesting Because you feel like you have to be with everybody more so than Christmas because sometimes people celebrate, Christmas Day at home or I have Obligation with church or volunteering or whatever so It doesn't always feel like there's such the obligation as Thanksgiving probably felt for people growing up or even now as adults. I like that we're able to create new traditions. surround ourselves with people that make us feel safe. And just people that, like to gather together I mean, of course with my husband's family, they kind of sound like they're arguing, but they're really just discussing stuff in Portuguese. Yeah. I'm an Italian mom, so I understand. it sounds argumentative, but it's just the way they discuss. My husband laughs. He's like, Oh my gosh, your family must have always been so loud. sometimes I'll be talking and he's like, you're yelling. I'm not yelling. the way they express themselves. I find a lot of comfort. like it now. I used to be kind of like, are they arguing a lot? I didn't really understand my husband would be like, no, this is just the way they talk, it kind of became, comfort. Yeah. it's their passion. Being excited. The way they talk. I really love this. they get into it, and as the wine flows the cognacs at the end of the meal, they do dessert then espresso, then the cognacs I love the order of things, growing up, it was never really fancy, nice Dinnerware the decor I like tablecloths. I like changing things out for the seasons because had that that's probably why It's important for you, to always have the seasons and have everything Represent and decorate because if you haven't always had that growing up or there wasn't something really Shown. Okay. This is the holiday. We're season celebrating or Something so yeah, I think This is something you can do and this is yours when you go to families that have it it probably feels more special. I used to have a friend growing up and their neighbor would change out these flags in the front of their house for different seasons I found that so nice. I just love that. I was like, I want this for myself. And I, really make it a point with small decorations, I kind of like to have the holiday theme you know kind of Thanksgiving and the nice plates and glasses and everything growing up. I think that was probably more of a money thing People didn't really do that, but my family didn't have that. I wanted it to always feel special. I think I never really knew I felt that way, but I definitely knew with my husband, I started to be like, I want this out there. he would be like, all right, my mom would now that I'm thinking I'm like, she'd always do the pumpkins out front on our steps something like that, She, I don't remember too much, maybe we had a couple pumpkins inside, and she liked gourds, the ones with all the warts, like those little weird looking, I guess they're called gourds, right? Like, yeah, so like they have a lot of texture to them. she would have those, we didn't have a cornucopia, but she would just have, put them like in the bowl or something like that, and you know, when you're saying the flags, it was making me remember. I used to always want one of those goose or ducks that people used to have in their front yard do you remember those that like people would dress up like in different holidays? they'd wear little outfits. one of my neighbors used to have one I used to think that was so cute. some days they'd have a rain jacket on Then they'd be dressed up for christmas Or different things I don't know what they were for thanksgiving But I just remember the little goose. It was either a goose or a duck, but it was so cute I always wanted one when I grew up. they probably discontinued them, but you can find it on Amazon or eBay or something. I'm sure if you did a deep dive search. Yeah, I really, I mean, that's really, I mean, my thing is wreaths. I have different wreaths for different seasons. my husband doesn't understand but It's something to visually define and feel comfort My mom did that too. Patrick's Day one. we had Thanksgiving, Christmas, and just all the time, I totally forgot about that until you said that. And it just, and that made it feel homey. I just don't think there were many, the house I grew up in was not very, comforting, so I always wanted that. I wanted a comforting space and I never voiced now that is something I really, love. Putting that there and that, probably does run into my need for having these backgrounds and feeling the comfort of that. I recognize the need for that and at some point I was like, that's okay. you're allowed to help your inner child, you're able to give yourself now things that you might not have received or had or didn't even know that you crave. Yeah. for a long time I'd be like, why am I wasting money on something temporary, this is not needed. that survivalist, mentality of if it's not needed, then I just at a certain point was like, I know this is feeding something and I was able to afford it after a while and I just want it. I definitely don't stop there. I get candles, My husband knows, there are certain things I need to have, that just give me comfort. Do you have a whole section in your garage where you store it all, I do, yeah. In the basement, in bins I have labeled It's another thing I always loved. have this storage of something. It makes me, comforted. we all have our own traditions. Aaron keeping some of the, Italian or Italian ness of, you know, the traditions Yeah, Italian. What? The Italian parts. Oh my god. Parts my mom used to make her go insane when people would be like idly or Italian. I definitely knew people that said that. but yeah, you can not have the stress, and it. It can be a nice, way of spending time together, that's the holidays, growing up, we don't, choose that, but we can learn from it whether with therapy or just self discovery you can do that and choose who you celebrate with or if you choose not to celebrate that's okay, too I'm gonna go for a hike or watch Who's a Charlie Brown? Thanksgiving thing or do something celebrate and leave if it gets too tough or kick everyone out if you're hosting, or have a friendsgiving. some people do that, you know Because they want to just bring in different elements of people's Backgrounds and foods they like that's always fun. I do remember a Friendsgiving, in college, a professor had a pre Thanksgiving potluck, we could all bring different stuff. It was cool to see, I learned about some foods that I'd never heard about It was a really, I always remember that. It was nice to go and she gave us some wine. I was 21. it was real nice. Yeah, we won't report her. she was very much in the European tradition, How awesome though, because she probably knew a lot of you weren't able to go home for the holidays how can I, celebrate you and tell you I'm grateful I was your professor this semester. Yeah, really nice conversation and welcoming in her home. she was a great professor. great person, we'd love to hear some things that you may have traditions with, or that you do instead on that day, or maybe you don't recognize that day, but do something else, or have the day off work, it is what it is. obviously I don't love the origins of the holiday and what it represents. I really enjoy, the togetherness of being around people and having good food. I just think of it like celebrating the bounty of the crops. celebrating family and togetherness. just celebrating, the bounty of food and family and yeah So yeah but you know We'd love to hear from you if you have Favorites traditions or things you want to try Is there anything that you're wanting to incorporate or do you feel good about I think I'm liking what we're doing. we always put out the yard games. We have the board games out. I don't put football on, because I used to get annoyed that my dad uncle and brothers would just sit in the living room and watch I just thought that was really annoying. I know it's a tradition to watch football on Thanksgiving, but I always thought it was rude. it just really aggravated me. I loved the Macy day parade and I loved watching that and I still do. so I guess the tradition of mine is we don't have football on Thanksgiving, we'll put music on instead, I just find it really annoying if people are just watching TV and drinking beer Yeah, because this is more about connecting and Being there with People not avoiding and yeah. So it probably feels very disconnect. It's not just a holiday to get drunk. I'm pretty happy with how we have it now. I the comfort and the little traditions that we have, I mean, they're not huge. It's not fancy. But it is nice, and it is, you know, we have certain things that we keep and add, and, it's nice. I feel the same way. I wish there was more with, My family, we all do our own thing, and there's not really communication on it, so, and there's just a lot of difficulties there, I don't think it would happen, with some people, but something I've let go of, but it, it's something that, sometimes I think about. That's probably the only thing, the way it is now, I really like it, you know, I think, this would be, coming out probably just around the holidays, three days before Thanksgiving. So happy Thanksgiving. we hope you have a great Thanksgiving or day off Don't forget to leave us a review And follow us on social media You will find us. Erin is wearing a very nice orange shirt that really fits, and I'm wearing some weird velvet 70s, starstruck type of thing. I ordered this from Amazon, and it just, it's very Fleetwood Mac ish. the bottom of it is very, ish, for some reason I thought it was great to wear today. it's probably fun, it probably will be really fun to twirl, maybe I will do some twirling, to get some stress out That was great. it's a fun outfit. we hope you, enjoyed this leave comments, suggestions for shows, we always look forward to that. We love the fan mail, keep it coming. Thank you so much Yeah, I was gonna say, in our most recent fan mail, we got a suggestion for Stand By Me. we are doing that in a couple weeks. that's an awesome suggestion. definitely a good one. we hope you take care, enjoy this time. if this is not an easy time hopefully you reach out, get support. Or do what you need to do for yourself Self care around this time can be tough for a lot of people and it is okay to say no, to Invitations it is okay to leave if you feel that definitely boundaries. Absolutely do what you need to do and don't forget Stay wicked and keep your mind. Well, Have a great thanksgiving and we'll talk to you next week. All right. Bye. Bye Bye guys We Wish You a Merry Christmas I don't know why I'm doing this, but I'm going to do it anyway.