Navigating The New Year: Reflections, Traditions and Resolutions

Join Tanya and Erin with Wicked Psychotherapists, as they unravel the layers of the New Year in this episode. 

Dive into personal stories, evolving traditions, and the psychological nuances that accompany the expectations of resolutions each year.

From childhood memories to adult reflections, explore unique perspectives on resolutions, intentions, and the impact on mental health. 

Tune in for an insightful discussion that will prompt you to ponder, celebrate, and navigate the complexities of New Year's.

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Transcript

0:08

You are listening to Wicked Psychotherapists, a podcast where two psychotherapists show you that taking care of and learning about mental health doesn't have to be wicked hard.

tanya: 0:31

Hey everyone, this is Tanya. This is Erin. And welcome to the Wicked Psychotherapists. So today we are talking about a very relevant topic and time of year, New Years. So we're going to get into some of the meanings around this time of year perspectives that people give to New Years, how they celebrate. Things that we might do or not do. Things that we rituals we engage in. Going out staying up late, ball dropping, celebrating, or just another calendar change in the year. So we thought this would be really Interesting to just dissect and see how different people take this time of year in and for their overall wellness, but also just how people live, how people perceive this time of year, because it certainly can have many different impacts on your mental health. So we thought we would start out which kind of seems to be the theme of what we've been doing lately which I think it works pretty well, but talking about just our own experiences and how we view New Year's and any, anything that, That we kind of feel is relevant to the topic. So, in terms of New Year's, Erin, I was wondering, just maybe starting out when you were a kid any memories and any, anything that you want to share that you do now, nowadays for New Year's?

ERin: 2:10

Yeah, so, it's funny, I don't really remember too much as a teen doing things family, but I do remember like as like a little kid or maybe elementary school or maybe even some middle, but staying up late, maybe watching Dick Clark and just my mom would let us. Bang pots and pans at midnight. We, if we stayed up, who knows if it really was midnight

tanya: 2:33

when I was little, it could have been like 10 o'clock, but She's like, oh, yep, that's that clock's wrong. Yeah

ERin: 2:42

I know you're not seeing it right. Let's just do it. Here's some here's a let me find some firework pictures Well,

tanya: 2:50

now they have apps for that, right? To like fool little kids to be like, Oh, here's the countdown. Like, I think that's pretty ingenious. I love that. And then,

ERin: 3:00

Then when I got older going out and doing all the trying to find parties or different things like that, but I think when I was younger, it was more staying

tanya: 3:10

at home maybe drinking the.

ERin: 3:13

Apple juice or apple cider, whatever it is, the sparkling apple something.

tanya: 3:19

A non alcoholic. Yeah, and just

ERin: 3:22

being in the living room, probably in

tanya: 3:24

pajamas. And

ERin: 3:25

what about you? Do you have any childhood

tanya: 3:26

memories of New Year's? Yeah, I mean, pretty similar. I, I kind of was paired together with my sisters the twins. We were all pretty close in age, so I think we probably just watched the ball drop, kind of that I think sometimes we could stay up till midnight. I don't really remember that or not, but I do remember just liking that and not really being into the whole, like, I wasn't like, Oh, this is a time to party, kind of thing. I stayed away from alcohol for a while as a teenager just because I. I thought that was my method of dealing with all the rampant alcoholism in my family, which did not prove to be effective. But I think I, kind of eventually felt like, okay, I should be doing something. Really big and really important and fun and I think I just kind of always felt better just kind of being like, okay Let me just make my own rituals my own ways of celebrating and you know I always liked watching the ball drop if I didn't stay up that was that yeah, like Dick Clark That was very comforting to me. I did really like that. So Definitely was not a big Partier really at all, but what I try to sneak, a drink when I was older, here or there or something like that. Probably, I don't really remember, but I'm sure I did. bUt, yeah, and, it's very different from now, I think, because. mY, in my late 20s into my 30s, I think I did kind of do the whole, trying to find a really exciting, unique opportunity, like you were, we were talking before and you're saying there's a lot of pressure on this day, for the best day, the last day of the year. And I think, yeah, we would, try to, I would try to find some place, to like, oh, this can be special, this can be unique, but it just always kind of felt. Disingenuous and I don't know, I guess it was fun for what it was, yeah, I think

ERin: 5:16

yes, I think in teens, I think we, like, high school or whatever, try to find the party and then 20s and stuff, it's, again, still the pressure and, yeah, it just always felt like it was like a lot of, I don't know, a lot of pressure to be somewhere or do something or to get drunk or get dressed up. And, if you're single, there's pressure. If you're dating someone at the time, it's pressure, it's just, it's hard.

tanya: 5:39

And it's definitely my,

ERin: 5:40

my feeling about it has

tanya: 5:41

shifted as I've gotten older. Yeah, oh, yeah, for sure. How free, how is it kind of, evolved or changed since you've gotten older? Sorry, I was trying to think of another way to say that, but it's, that's just the way to say it, I guess. That is. I was gonna say since you, gracefully went up in age or something. I was trying to think of something.

ERin: 6:03

Well, Nana's here. I, no, I, well, now in my retirement home, I, no, I now I think I do, I like to just stay home, and I like to just, watch, I do like, I, this is going to make me sound like an old person, but I like watching Anderson Cooper's Fall Drop thing the best, I think he's very funny, And, but then I'll usually watch a movie or something in between and just flip back and forth or something. And sometimes we'll do fireworks in the backyard or something. Like just to be. Redneck, I guess, or something. But we, but it's fun. It's fun that we

tanya: 6:44

can. It's like for the kids, that's a nice way for them to be in on it. That's really cool. Yeah.

ERin: 6:50

Yeah, but I do like to watch the ball drop because even if I, it's like, it's midnight, but it's just really it's symbolic, I

tanya: 6:57

think. Yeah, it marks the time. It kind of is like, okay, and everyone else or some other people are watching that and are marking the time as well. And it feels okay, we're all collectively going into this new time zone. Yeah, we're all doing this at the same time.

ERin: 7:11

Yeah. Celebrating this one thing, stopping. Yeah.

tanya: 7:14

What are we doing for this moment? Yeah. And, now that I think about it, COVID was actually I think a turning point where I just started to feel okay being like, I can just stay home. I don't have to search out for this perfect event or this, really, kind of interesting band to go see and like, go do it up. Like I think when COVID hit, I mean, we all had to. Stay home, right? So I was like, okay, this, and this actually is kind of more what I prefer to do most years, if there's something really cool, that's, maybe I would look at that, but I think I like to kind of, yeah, watch the ball drop and maybe, and I forgot about when you brought that up, but watching movies and things like that, that are kind of reminiscent of that, or just kind of cozy in that way, or about, Renewal and and I think actually I've been shifting over in the past. A few years with doing, we were talking about kind of these rituals that we've gathered from various places that we just thought. Sounded really cool that I think we both kind of engage in either New Year's Eve, or I usually do them New Year's day. I kind of am like, you know what, I'll just wait, on the 1st day cleaning for me. Like, I like to try and. Clean out some, and organize some spaces so it feels kind of like everything can be fresh and new and I've recently started adapting these kind of rituals that I've read about in various places. I can't really give complete credit to them, and I'm sorry if I'm not. Maybe they're kind of collective from different places, but like. Washing down your door with essential oils like peppermint oil to keep away the bad spirits and, kind of just engaging in some, different types of things where it's like, okay, that just kind of feels good to me and smells good too. It smells good. And like you pointed out, it keeps away the ants and the critters and everything. It's just all good all around and this past year I actually read about one. And again, I can't credit it and I'm sorry if it is particular to like a particular cultural or group kind of, practice, but of putting coins on your windowsill for good luck and fortune. And I did do that and I actually still have them on my windowsill in the kitchen. It just kind of felt like a nice thing to do, a nice thing to reflect on, to just kind of, be engaged in. But do you, what about you? Do you have any of those kind of rituals? Well, I do, I

ERin: 9:33

do the day or two before New Year's. I try to clean and get everything, because I have heard or read that a tradition is to clean everything. So you're starting the new year Fresh or clean. I also Have heard I've heard like doing essential oils, but I haven't

tanya: 9:53

done the cleaning the door

ERin: 9:54

with peppermint But I have I do put salt around the house I'll put like because I have heard that's supposed to help bless it or just to make your house a happier place to be So I, I try to do that around that time and yeah, so I think maybe just even sit and reflect about what I want for the next year of what I had for the past year. I might do that. I don't always do that, but I might give myself permission to have that time.

tanya: 10:25

Yeah I think that's a really that's a really important aspect too is kind of these things that we. May possibly engage in where we reflect on the year or what we want ahead, or what we really want to try and start engaging in to, to work towards goals. And that is something I think I, when I was younger, I used to, because for some reason our, my school. tHe teachers I had, they were very big about, I don't know if it was just the time, but about making resolutions, like it would kind of be a part of that. So I think I kind of got it in my head that this is what you do around this time of year and as I got older, I started to realize I don't really want to make And Resolutions and we'll get into this a little bit more with, like, other people. And but I personally just felt like these are not manageable. These are kind of self defeating because they're abandoned by February. They're too large. Right? And I just kind of thought about, yeah, like. Like you said, the things that, what are the things that I feel like I did well this year, or I accomplished, or I got over, or the things that I just got through, right. And just appreciating that and also thinking about what are some things that maybe I want to start looking towards in the future is kind of more my process nowadays, I think, and that feels a lot better and a lot more manageable and healthier now. It's funny when you

ERin: 11:40

mentioned that I can, I like. Transformed back or transported back to that I can remember a going into, having the teacher be like, okay, like, let's think of the, what you're going to do for this year. And it's like, as like a little kid, it's like, what kind of resolutions are you going to make? Like, I'm not going to be mean to my sister, or I'm going to, yeah,

tanya: 12:03

I'm actually wondering, yeah, what did I write? I don't even know, like, not, Like, take my sister's gum? I don't know. What is that? I don't know. Like, not borrow her clothes? I don't really know what the heck it would have written. I don't know.

ERin: 12:17

like a lot of pressure to put on for a kid, but it also seems like a lot of pressure to put on for an adult too. Yeah. Okay, well, you're all these resolutions, so Yeah, for sure. I haven't seen My kids, like in school, I haven't seen them come home with like, okay, this is what my resolution is. I haven't seen that. I've seen like drawings of like fireworks and stuff like that around New Year's, but I haven't seen, whatever my year's resolution

tanya: 12:40

is. Yeah, I think that's kind of, that kind of brings us into, like, the next, like, that's a good segue into the next, like, kind of what I think trends are with other people and perspectives on New Year's. Ooh, James Spader has entered the building. Yes, I

ERin: 12:57

Tanya I think actually we've talked about it in past episodes, but Tanya. Bought me this awesome James Spader mug because I may have had a little crush on it with When we were watching Blacklist, when I was watching Blacklist, we, I'm a Blacklist fan.

tanya: 13:15

I did as well, I did. I think yours was a little more intense, but I can certainly see the crush. Yeah, so, so maybe I'll show this in case. There he is. He wants to be, he's like, I wonder what his resolution is or what his thinking about New Year's is. If he's listening, smiley

ERin: 13:30

or something. Yes. James, tell us, what were

tanya: 13:32

you thinking in this picture? Maybe change up the glasses every year, even though I think those are stellar. Maybe he just likes to try out a new pair every year. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, but he should leave us a comment if he's listening. That would be great. yEah, I mean, but that I think things have definitely shifted right from when we were younger. I don't think I see as many people, school kids, assignments or whatever, being focused on resolutions. It feels like it's more mental health, self care friendly, where it's manageable things that maybe we just want to reflect on, smaller steps towards things that maybe we are working towards. Yeah. And

ERin: 14:12

I've also heard it, I've also heard it worded more, what are to set your intentions? What intentions do you want to have or what goals do you want to do? Instead of, what are you going to resolve, or, what, so, what are your resolutions? So, it feels so heavy, and it feels like you're going to get in trouble if you

tanya: 14:32

don't complete it. Yeah, it's it really, resolutions can, I think they can feel a little all or nothing if you make a mistake, or if you slip up, you feel like, okay, I didn't do it or I messed it up. So I got to wait until the next year to set new ones, or maybe I'm just kind of over that, or I feel bad about it. So I just don't want to go near the topic of goals again, kind of, or, that, that type of thing. I think that's what ends up happening with that large scale perspective. And I think it's just it feels healthier and better. To have it on a reduced scale and smaller manageable steps that it just feels better for our mindsets. I think for the way that most humans probably operate. I mean, everybody's different. I think you have to kind of find your way within that. Process to see, like, how do I navigate that? How do I manage these steps? Right. Like, some people can set lists every week. Some people just need to, have one goal for a month. It depends. And I think that involves a lot of self awareness and understanding yourself to know how that works best for you. so It, it really is, I think, a healthier shift in terms of how we look at New Year's and a fresh start.

ERin: 15:46

I also have heard, and this is something we sometimes do as a family, instead of trying to set goals, we'll try to say like, what can we do or what, what is something we can do for. that's good or something we can learn. And so we have done that

tanya: 16:03

in the past. That's really cool. Have there been any family goals, like? Maybe

ERin: 16:08

we, like, I think like maybe get outside more or try to do more things together. I think like try to do game night or try to watch movies together or just different. We actually won one year, we wrote down all different things we wanted to do. It was a year of COVID. So then we didn't so we still have it on the bridge and we're like, oh my gosh, we still need to complete this But it's like really we're really sat and bought for like an hour or so like, okay Well, these are things in Florida that we'd like to do that as a family. So Three up that for this year, but yeah,

tanya: 16:44

that's nice family

ERin: 16:45

goals. Yeah, but it's not I'm gonna you know Lose this weight, or I'm going to,

tanya: 16:53

because it always seems like

ERin: 16:54

a lot of goals are self deprecating.

tanya: 16:59

Yeah, or self defeating in nature, because it's tough to, I mean, it's one thing to say I want to try and eat healthier. I want to try to move more. Right, I want to get stronger. But yeah, if you set like very specific Very strict parameters that are difficult for you to achieve. You may feel like I can't achieve anything about this as opposed to just, what you're looking for, which is to be healthier, right? And to maybe, up some of those goals and around health, but. Yeah that's a really good point. I mean, I think that you can also have individual intentions, family intentions work intentions, maybe I want to try to earn a little more by doing. This year, but it doesn't have to be like, I, I have to completely reinvent myself or my career or. Change up like you were like you had mentioned this before when we were talking before we started recording that sometimes people with Resolutions are really lofty goals can sometimes be unrealistic and in that saying like, you know I want to go from being you know, this person who is Maybe fairly introverted to I am going to be the person You know, I don't know, social butterfly and yeah, like, like, there's, of course there's things, it's not to say that introverted people can't do anything and everything that they want, but maybe sometimes setting it too far away from where you're at your starting point might be a little bit. Defeating and in that way, you have to kind of set up with the smaller kind of steps along the way and more, awareness to where you're at and where you can go, instead of saying I am going to. I don't know. This is a really extreme example, but I'm going to be a surgeon by the end of the year and say, you haven't even started medical school. I mean, come on, that's not really going to happen probably. Right. That's an absurd kind of example, but you know, something like that.

ERin: 18:51

But I was actually just thinking about a positive of the new year's resolutions because it, again, we mentioned the collective. And so you could say, Oh, well, my resolution is I'm going to get outside more so you can have a coworker. That's okay. Let's go for walks at lunch together, or, so there's a little bit more accountability. It seems. At the New Year's time for some people, because it's like, I'm allowed I can announce this because this is what's expected or other people

tanya: 19:22

at the same time. Yeah, it's that group aspect of. Everybody's doing this collective, collectivism of we're all looking at a fresh start. This is all in our minds. I feel like I'm thinking a lot of about my anthropology from college, like, collectivism, any anthropologists out there, you'll know what I mean. The collective mindset of of, people around this time when we all celebrate this to say that this is something that. We, it actually motivates us and makes us feel like, okay, this is something I can think on, this is something that other people will maybe hold me accountable towards some of these steps because we're all thinking it, we're all in on, in, in the same, pot of soup. Yeah,

ERin: 20:06

and that also can be why some people are more successful because some people are better equipped for doing things in a group more as a collective where some people are better at doing things individually, or maybe their accountability is a friend or their therapist or something like that. They need just the one on

tanya: 20:27

one accountability. Yeah. Yeah. And again, that goes back to that, knowing how you tick, and you may in different areas, like with your individual personal goals, like health goals, you may be better one on one, or you may need kind of that group, group exercise classes or whatever or, in, in your work goals, you may kind of need more That time to yourself to kind of say, okay, I need the discipline to kind of reflect on this and to think what my goals are. It just, it really depends on how you operate and being aware of that. anD I do have to say in therapy a lot with my. Clients not a lot, but around this time of year, that is something we do reflect on for how do you operate within managing your goals? How do you best succeed? How what's your manner of motivation and productivity? Because everybody is different, there's no one set formula in that at all. And I think sometimes that can be a danger with self help books where they're like motivate yourself in 10 days because they may describe only one method that may not work for you. I mean, I think nowadays books are getting better about that or like, self help type I don't know, programs, whatever are, but a

ERin: 21:35

lot of the self help books there, they have really great ideas or intentions, but, yeah. Sometimes it can be very difficult if you're trying to get the motivation to do it yourself when you have struggled in the past for having lack of motivation. I mean, that's, I have a lot of times in the past I've had clients say, Hey, I just read this book or I'm reading this book and I'm like, great. Let me look into it, or let me see what it's about, and then we could talk about it, and that seems to work well, because then they're still in control, because they have learned these things from the book, from the self help book, and they still have the goals that they want, but I don't want to say that I'm their accountability person, but I'm accountable. I'm accountable. I'm accountable. I'm accountable. As a therapist, able to kind of guide them

tanya: 22:20

a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Give them feedback and guidance and kind of bounce back ideas on it. And and the book gives them some, or whatever the program, whatever it is where they're learning those principles, kind of, it gives them a little bit of structure to it. Right. That seems to resonate with them. So yeah, I think that can be really important to being able to say, okay, this is how I can make it through this year by and feel like I'm making some progress and know that along the way, some things are going to change. You may not find some things as important throughout the year, or you just may not be able to get to them. And that's okay. Not seeing that you need to have it. All the things that you thought of at the beginning of the year or at whatever point along the way you can pivot, you can change, you can evolve in it and having that flexibility and mindset is, I think is important in that, for being able to, it's just that we have a natural set point to want to begin on New Year's because and obviously we're talking about January 1st, the Western news. Western way of celebrating, we recognize that there are other New Year's as well. But we're specifically just focusing on January 1st. Right. But of course there's other meanings for other times as well. buT, and I do think that there Is also for some people I've noticed since COVID started, people are more about possibly saying, I don't know if you've seen, like, kind of memes towards this or just on social media in general, where people are saying, I survived this year. This next year is just about me and a lot of self care with boundaries and things where People are feeling like I'm not going to actually waste my time feeling like I'm thinking about other people. Instead, I want to focus on how I feel good and how I can interact in the world. And I feel like there's been an uptick in that since COVID, maybe even a little bit before, but especially during COVID because that's all we kind of had to take care of. was ourselves, like we kind of had to, be in our own little pod. So maybe that's why. Well, and that's

ERin: 24:23

also something with COVID. It's like the time of COVID and everyone was in their houses during that period. It seems that a lot of people started to figure out their interests. And what they want to do, and so they started to set goals of, I'm going to learn how to make bread, or I'm going to learn art, or I'm going to try to be, a better communicator, or start writing, whatever it is, or start a garden. And some of those goals have continued, where maybe it's like, okay, well, now I'm going to want to take a class with this. might be still related to their interests and learning what they might want. And that could be a form of self care as well. And self care isn't always just sitting in a bath with the candles. And that's what a lot of people are like, Oh, wait, I can't do that. I'm not able to do that. But it is other ways self care can be finding who you are and finding out what your interests are as well.

tanya: 25:21

Yeah. And I mean, they it can be, some people are not comfortable relaxing, like some people don't even like baths, you know what I mean? And so, yeah, everybody has their own way. It can be a way of, that sometimes you may need to learn a little more about yourself, discover more things about yourself, and that can feel really great. Really good for who you are as a person, really good for your, your spirit, your soul, and evolving as a human and the day to day stuff, like, getting a pedicure, if that's your thing, again, some people are not into that, right? Or some people just every once in a while, or some people just look at that as, ah, I'm going to do that just because. My toenails are, whatever, five inches long. So I gotta go to that, as a practicality. But it, it really is not something that I think can be decided by other people. It really is your own way of saying how do I feel good about these things? And some people really dove into exploring that. They had no other choice during COVID. So they. Found that or some people had a tough time because they weren't used to that and maybe they realize the importance of it because of Covid yeah, because

ERin: 26:26

That is one thing to like the introvert extrovert So, how do you feel, like and a lot of times people who are very extroverted don't really slow down this is just a generalization, but they don't really get the chance to slow down to get to know themselves. So that sometimes it's really interesting and it, that's important to figure out who we are. And a time like that, it helps both introvert and extroverts to slow down and to find out, what their self care is, what their interests might be

tanya: 26:57

for themselves. yEah, because extroverts just may kind of bounce a lot of themselves off of people, that's how they get a lot of that energy. So they may not have as much time or interest, before COVID, maybe even after COVID and going, having that introspection, whereas for introverts, it's very natural. So, it definitely was a time, I think, for discovery for many people. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah I do think there are so many different ways to look at New Year's in terms of, and again, there's some people that they may just see it as a calendar change. It's just a new year. It's a new fiscal quarter. It's a new, whatever that is, if that's what they want to look at it as, depending on who they are and what they do. Yeah, it may just, happen to be that maybe, when your deductible is reapplied on your health insurance, kind of all these practicalities and that's, of course, we have to think about that, but they may not think of it in terms of rituals or renewal or celebration, or maybe just one or two of those things depends on your circumstances. And we just kind of wanted to talk about some of the different aspects of it. Yeah. How people would see that. So, yeah we definitely like to know what you all think if you want to add in what it is that you do or how maybe you've changed in your perspective or how you haven't, with New Year's, or if you even celebrate New Year's whatever you want to share with us, we'd be very interested

ERin: 28:21

to hear.

tanya: 28:21

Yeah, all right. Well, interesting stuff, whatever you decide to do for this upcoming 2024 year. Or now I guess we're, by the time you hear this, it will be 2024, which is just wild.

ERin: 28:36

The day after, yep, it's going to be, this is going to be aired, I think, the day after

tanya: 28:41

New Year's. Yeah. So happy New Year's. We hope you do. Yeah, happy New Year's to everybody. We hope you do whatever it is that you need to do for renewal, celebration, or just to get by for the next day and whatever makes you happy, motivated, and set to go for 2024. Yeah. So, thanks for I'm gonna become a

ERin: 29:05

surgeon

tanya: 29:06

this year.

ERin: 29:07

You're gonna I'm gonna

tanya: 29:08

become a surgeon. I'm gonna become a surgeon. I'm gonna become a surgeon. we'll see how great that works out. We'll I won't be, I won't be volunteering for the first surgery. I am good. Good luck with that. So I think

ERin: 29:24

mine will be more of,

tanya: 29:25

Wake up early or something. Yeah, that seems pretty, pretty doable. I think I would like to I don't know. I'm thinking about, there's some things that I've done that I think I'd like to do more consistently. Yeah, I want to start getting

ERin: 29:36

back into, I don't know if it's a resolution or just I just want to start working out again daily. I was doing it daily and I just felt better as a human.

tanya: 29:45

I felt. Yeah. Yeah. That's another thing to remind yourself of of, I'm doing this because it does feel better as opposed to I have to do it. That can be a good shift in your mindset. Yeah.

ERin: 29:54

It's like you feel stronger and it's like, oh wait, I can do this and then I have more energy for this. And it's just, it's

tanya: 30:00

feel better. Yeah. Yeah. It just makes everything kind of feel a little more balanced and motivated, but. Yeah. So let us know. We're interested to know how you do New Year's, if you do New Year's what it means to you. Yeah. And yeah, don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Wicked Psychotherapists. On Facebook, we are The Wicked Psychotherapists. Subscribe and follow us wherever you currently listen to podcasts, and don't forget to write us a review. It really helps us out if you write a review. We would really appreciate it. And thank you for those

ERin: 30:37

that are sharing it with

tanya: 30:39

their friends as well. Yes, that is amazing. We really love that. So thank you all. And we hope that you have a happy, healthy 2024 and don't forget, stay wicked and keep your mind well. Take care guys. We'll see you next time. Okay. All right. Bye

ERin: 31:01

bye.

31:02

We Wish You a Merry Christmas I think it's time to say goodbye. Oh, boy! I'm sorry. I'm really sorry! Goodbye! Bye. Goodbye. Nanks! Goodbye! Goodbye.